Oh Thank Heaven
by ScooterTime
Summary: While chasing down a pesky little alien critter, the Doctor and Clara get assistance from another familiar team. Hilarity ensues.


"Oh, ho ho! I've got you now, you little bugger!" the Doctor practically sang as he danced around the console, flipping switches and mashing buttons with a particularly enthusiastic flourish. Clara hadn't seen him this excited in days. The TARDIS rocked and rolled, she held on for dear life to a bit of the railing, and laughed. She'd never get used to this, and she didn't think she'd ever want to. It always signalled the start of a new adventure.

The commotion came to an abrupt halt, and without missing a beat, the Doctor pulled the scanner towards him. Without turning, he shot Clara a look and grinned. "Ready?"

"Absolutely, let's go! And… where, exactly, is it that we're going, by the way?"

"America, Wyoming. As for the _when _that you didn't ask for but were about to, we're in the late 20th century. Nothing terribly exciting, by your standards. Shall we?"

The Doctor grabbed what appeared to be a technologically elaborate butterfly net, and strode towards the TARDIS doors. He held one open for Clara, bowing slightly and making a wide gesture indicating she go first.

He was right, in that nothing particularly interesting appeared to be waiting on the other side. But Clara knew the Doctor well enough not to be fooled. There was trouble of some sort brewing here, or else there would be no reason for them to arrive in the first place. Although… what sort of trouble might be lurking on a dusty two-lane road in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night was completely beyond her. Down the road one direction was a very small town, probably just a few miles away. Down the other, just a small shop, lights off and obviously closed. The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and locked the door behind them. He tucked the net under one arm, and held up his sonic screwdriver, studying it. It beeped and flashed green twice.

"Right," he said, "This way." The Doctor started off down the side of the road towards the shop.

Clara giggled. "Nice hat!"

"Oi! Do not diss the Stetson, alright? It's important," he shot back.

Clara rolled her eyes and jogged to catch up to the Time Lord. "So, why are we chasing this… calamari thing, anyway?"

"_Coolyangari_," the Doctor corrected her. "One, because it escaped. Two, because I owe somebody a favor. And three… well, frankly, I was getting a bit bored."

"Now that's a frightening thought. You don't handle boredom very well."

"Yeah. I know. Bad for the whole universe, boredom," said the Doctor, with a very guilty face. Suddenly, something caught his attention. He stopped abruptly, causing Clara to skid on the sandy roadway shoulder. "Did you see that?"

"See what?"

"Somebody's in that shop."

"Looks closed to me."

"Exactly. Come on!"

He broke out into a run, and Clara was glad she'd decided to wear boots this time out. She couldn't keep pace with the gangly alien, but she wasn't too far behind by the time they both hit the tiny parking lot. The Doctor held up a finger to indicate they needed to be quiet, and they slowly crept up to one of the rear corners of the little concrete building.

"Doctor," whispered Clara, "What does this thing we're chasing actually look like? Might be a bit helpful in catching it.

"It's a small, furry creature from Alpha Centauri."

"A _what_?"

"Trust me, you'll know it when you see it."

A light flashed from inside through a small window in the back door, and there was a great crash. The door not two feet in front of them slammed open against the outside of the wall. A white Panama hat flew upwards and out from the door, tumbling a few times before coming to rest. There was a sizable dent in the metal door.

"_Oh. _Right. I'd forgotten about that."

The Doctor scrunched his face up with a look of disgust that Clara couldn't fully read. He stood and helped her to her feet, cautiously peeking inside the door. Beyond the range of human ears, the Doctor could make out the breathing of three individuals already inside. Two of the three didn't actually require his superior Time Lord hearing; one registered on the sonic screwdriver, and the other… well, he didn't need anything to tell him about _that_one. He motioned for Clara to close the door behind them. The busted metal lock clicked and groaned, and they both winced at the noise.

"_Sorry!_" Clara mouthed. She turned to assess the situation. The little shop was in complete chaos; various candy littered over almost every possible surface, displays overturned, a soda machine damaged so badly it had a gaping hole in it and was now dripping all over the floor. She could just barely see the top of a man's head peeking up from behind the counter. His eyes were both fierce and questioning at the same time.

"Ace!" he called. "It seems we've got more company."

"What?" The answer came from inside the refrigerated room in the back. The source was revealed to be a woman just slightly younger than Clara herself. She was dressed in a black skirt and leggings, topped off with a flight jacket full of patches and a messy French braid. She'd come practically barrelling out of the doorway, grabbing onto the frame of it and swinging around to a stop just in front of the Doctor.

"Ah, Ace! How lovely to see you again!" He dropped his net, threw his arms out wide and grasped her in a hug, slightly lifting her off the floor as he did so. Ace remained stiff as a board, giving him no physical reaction other than a stare that somehow said both _I'm terrified _and _I will hurt you if you do not put me down_. She glanced helplessly back at the man now standing up behind the counter, who was now staring intently at the Doctor. "Uh, Professor…?"

The Doctor put Ace down, and she quickly began to walk backwards to the counter, clearly in defense mode. The man met up with her halfway, putting a protective hand on her shoulder just as she stumbled over a pile of pretzels on the floor. Clara now saw that he was wearing light tweed trousers and what could likely be described as the most obnoxious-looking pullover in the universe. He scowled. The Time Lord at her side was practically giddy with delight, clapping his hands together and popping up lightly on the balls of his feet.

"Oh, I'm sorry, how rude of me! Introductions. Ace, Clara. Clara, Ace and... myself." He gestured over to the shorter man behind Ace.

"That's- he's- wait, which version of you this time?" stammered Clara, as she shook Ace's hand. Ace was still obviously slightly shocked. Automatically assuming that she was the current travelling companion of this previous version of the Doctor, Clara added quietly, "Yeah, this happens on occasion. Gets a bit confusing, but you get used to it." Ace slowly nodded. The look on her face told Clara that she'd guessed correctly. She knew the feeling all too well of being completely confused around the Doctor, while still openly trying to accept just about any possible situation that might present itself. "The confusing bit, not the rest of it. Though come to think of it..." Ace finally grinned back at her, clearly letting her guard down a little.

"Having a bit of trouble with that Coolyangari again, eh? Disagreeable little pests when they're upset."

"Clearly," stated the shorter Doctor, leaning on an identical version of the electronic net the taller Doctor had, eying his counterpart up and down. "A bow tie again, really? And what are we up to this round, then?"

"Oh, who's even counting these days?" he answered quickly, with a dismissing wave of his hand. He picked his own net up and whipped his head around, causing his bangs to nearly cover his face completely. "Where's it got to?"

"I think he's hiding over there, underneath the cotton candy by the front door."

As if in confirmation, the metal stand of cotton candy promptly fell over with a loud clang, and Clara could just barely make out what she could swear was a large rabbit scampering away from it. She tugged on Ace's jacket and motioned for her to join her behind the counter. "When there's more than one of him involved, it's best just to stay out of their way until they get stuck. It's, well, safer. Trust me."

The Doctor-both of him-locked eyes with himself for the briefest of moments, nodded, and then split up. The shorter walked slowly around the front of the shop, carefully dodging spilled packages of popcorn like land mines. The taller crept around the back, clearly enjoying himself immensely. Both had their nets raised up over their heads, ready to strike at a moment's notice. Every few seconds, the twin Time Lords would make quick eye contact, as if syncing information between themselves. The shorter one gave an almost imperceptible nod.

A pause.

Clara and Ace looked at each other, both holding their breath.

"_GERONIMO!_"

In a million years, Clara wouldn't have been able to figure it out, but somehow the Doctor had sprung up at least a good four feet in the air, easily clearing the shelving across the aisle in front of him. His outstretched arms held his net as far in front of him as he could, his coat and legs trailing back in a smooth arc... and for a single moment, he actually looked almost graceful. His landing was anything but.

With an equally impressive leap and a much more successful landing, the large ginger rabbit sailed over the Doctor and the shelving he had collapsed on. A large rabbit _with antlers_? And green eyes? Clara was sure she'd seen something similar before, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"I've got 'im!" shouted the other Doctor, making a much shorter and even less elegant dive down the next aisle over. He missed actually capturing it with his net, but did manage to knock the creature off its footing. It issued a screech that sounded almost human as it bolted around the back corner of the shop.

Both Doctors groaned as they got up, the taller one clumsily disentangling himself from packages of smashed cookies. A bit of pink icing clung to his floppy hair, and he picked it off and ate it. "Mmm, strawberry." The shorter one did a double-take and shook his head, rolling his eyes.

Clara shot up from behind the counter, startling everyone. "A Jackalope! _You're chasing a Jackalope! _I thought they were just a joke made up by cheap taxidermy shops to sell to tourists. But let me guess, this is the alien we're after, right?"

The Doctor grabbed his net and stood back up. "Of course it is, where do you think they got the idea from?" he said, completely matter-of-factly.

"You're doing it wrong."

"What?"

"Excuse me?" added the shorter Doctor.

"You can't just go sneaking up on a Jackalope. You have to lure it. Ace, does that cooler room have any beer left in it?"

"Yeah, loads of it. Why?"

"Go and bring out a few cans of it. The cheaper, the better. And a large container or something we can dump it in."

"Sure, I'm on it!" She jogged back to the door leading into the walk-in refrigeration room. The Doctors exchanged confused looks. Clara sighed.

"You travel around the entire universe. Don't you ever stop to read any of the tourist information?" She grabbed a post card off the counter. "Sometimes you can learn more than just where the nearest chip shop is." The shorter Doctor was closer to her, and she walked over and handed him the card. He glanced at the photo, quickly read the back, and split his face into a large smile.

"Of course! This says that Jackalopes are attracted to alcohol. It stands to reason that the real thing-the Coolyangari-might be as well. Oh, that's wonderful, Clara. Pity I apparently don't take your advice more often." He beamed at Clara, while his taller self grimaced, clearly offended.

Ace emerged from the back room with a utility bucket, sloshing full of cheap beer. She placed it in the last clear part of the floor in the entire store, midway down the nearest aisle to the counter. She and Clara spent the next fifteen minutes rummaging through the counter area and the back room running various supplies back and forth to the Doctors. It was fascinating seeing them work together. They appeared to only communicate with the briefest of occasional glances, a sound of disgust, or a smile, never needing to speak out loud. Every now and then, the Jackalope would skitter out from under one shelf and over to another. Twenty rubber bands, a mop handle, six plastic bags, a busted calculator, one mechanical pencil, and two tubes of cinnamon flavored toothpaste later, the floppy-haired Doctor put away his sonic screwdriver and declared the trap ready and set.

Two Time Lords and two companions crouched behind the counter, all failing at pretending to be patient.

"What do we do now?" whispered Ace.

"We just wait," replied her Doctor. "He'll come to the beer soon enough. He could hardly wait for us to get away from it."

_Skitter skitter… skitter… rrrriiiippp-CRASH__**BANG**__._

Four heads popped over the top of the counter. Two were delighted, two slightly disappointed.

"Well, I certainly expected him to put up a lot more fuss than that."

"I know. Takes all the fun out, doesn't it?"

"Mmmm."

The Doctors walked over to the Jackalope. It was sitting upright in the bucket with its tongue hanging out, eyes closed, and half kicked-back like it was lounging in a sauna. Small colored bubbles popped and fizzed around it in the beer, adding to the illusion. It hiccupped.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Clara, as she and Ace came up behind them.

"He's drunk," said her Doctor.

"Wasn't that the whole point? Lure it into the trap with beer, wait 'til it's drunk and then grab it?"

"Well, yes, except he was pretty drunk before he ever made it to the beer."

"What? How?"

"You're kidding me," said Ace. She held up a few of the small flat packages littered around the bucket of beer. "Pop Rocks?"

The shorter Doctor took one of the packages from Ace's hand. "Apparently it isn't just the alcohol that they're attracted to," he said in his Scottish drawl. "It's the carbonation, too."

Clara and Ace exchanged skeptical looks. "Well, thank heaven for Pop Rocks and cheap beer, then," said Clara. "I'd hate to have to deal with an angry _sober _one in a trap." 

* * *

The group walked back to the taller Doctor's TARDIS, Clara and Ace exchanging Dalek stories, and making a few jokes about the Doctor and some of his more annoying habits. The Time Lord(s) in question followed a short distance behind.

"That Clara is a keeper."

"Oh, I know," the elder Doctor smiled, chuckling. "Believe me, I know. And I don't suppose I need to tell you to look after Ace…"

"Of course."

When they arrived at the old blue box, Clara and Ace hugged each other goodbye.

"Happy adventures, Ace."

"You too!"

"Until I have the pleasure of meeting you again," said the shorter Doctor, grasping both of Clara's hands in his and holding them for a moment. She smiled and nodded.

The taller Doctor once again swept up Ace in a big hug. She reciprocated this time, laughing. "It's been fun, Professor."

"And it's been absolutely wonderful seeing you again, Ace." He squeezed her tightly and screwed his eyes shut. Clara thought she noticed a tear leak out, but she wasn't sure. He sniffed loudly.

"Right then. Off you go!" He patted Ace fondly on the head. She grinned and headed off with her Doctor, already on his way back to his own version of the TARDIS. Everybody waved their final goodbyes.

"Now, let's get this feisty Coolyangari back to the zoo, where he belongs."

"That sounds ace," replied Clara, as she headed to the console. The Doctor laughed. With a last lingering look over his shoulder at his departing previous self and companion, he stepped into the TARDIS and closed the doors to the past.


End file.
